Wannabe
by Perceval23
Summary: Hermione never liked the Spice Girls, but never had hearing one of their songs given her a sense of dread. Thanks to Ginny and Luna, it'll be an interesting day for all.
1. Wannabe

Hermione Granger was a girl who felt at home in both the muggle and magical worlds. There were things she loved and hated about both. One thing she hated about the muggle world was manufactured pop groups. She especially hated the Spice Girls.

Unfortunately for Hermione, Harry Potter loved the Spice Girls. He loved one song, in particular. Much to her dismay, he not only felt the need to turn the radio up full blast, he felt the need to sing along to it. Very loudly. And, he wasn't the best singer in the world.

At least he didn't start dancing.

For some reason Hermione couldn't place, this bothered her more than it should have. She had this strange feeling of foreboding.

She, Harry, and Ron Weasley had returned to Hogwarts because Harry needed to consult with Professor McGonagall about their hunt for Voldemort's horcruxes. While he was doing so, Hermione and Ron were passing the time catching up with Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley. After Hermione complained about the Spice Girls, what Luna told her filled her with dread.

"Do you think it meant something?" Luna asked.

"Besides Harry's terrible taste in music?" Hermione answered.

"Prophetic omens can come in the strangest ways. Which song was it?"

"Wannabe."

"Ah... Perhaps you need to find out what a ziggazagga is. I've always wondered that..."

Ginny squealed, "I LOVE that song!"

"Really?" Luna asked, surprised. "You and your family have always been so isolated from the muggles. When did you hear it?"

"Um... I... I haven't, but... If Harry loves it, it must really be great, right?"

Hermione sighed. She'd really hoped Ginny had gotten over this. Ron rolled his eyes. Luna just observed Ginny with detached curiosity.

Hermione had always wondered about the dynamics of Ginny's and Luna's friendship. For the second time that day, though, she had a feeling of foreboding. All she could think was the old warning to be careful what you wished for.

"Harry loves many things," Luna told Ginny.

"Oh, I know ALL about what he loves!" Ginny breathlessly exclaimed.

"Like Quiddich?"

"YES!"

"And what else?"

"Um... The Space Girls!"

"Spice Girls," Hermione corrected.

"Yeah! Them! And snogging! Snogging ME!"

"Or snogging, in general?" Hermione couldn't stop herself from asking.

"Look, we have this... connection! We have silent communication!"

"You have a damn chest monster! And a schoolgirl celebrity crush!" Hermione snapped. All the irritation had finally reached it's boiling point. "What do you actually talk about, besides Quiddich and snogging?"

"We don't NEED to talk!!! We don't NEED words!!!"

"Ahem," Luna inserted herself back into the firestorm she'd ignited. "Who's the Legilimens, here?"

"Huh?" Ron broke in. "Luna's a Legilimens?"

"Ron!" Hermione snapped. "Quit being so clueless! She knows what everyone's thinking all the time, and she's ALWAYS keeping eye contact..."

"I thought she was just being weird."

Hermione's hopes of straying off topic were dashed, quickly, as Ginny narrowed her eyes at Luna, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Bloody Ravenclaw sense of humor...

Well, Miss Legilimens," Ginny addressed the Ravenclaw. "Tell us what Harry wants, besides me."

"You want me to just tell you what he wants, what he really, really, wants?"

"YES!" Ginny exclaimed, with a, to Hermione, frightening gleam in her eye. "He deserves to have everything he could possibly want, and I'll see to it that he GETS it!"

Hermione knew Harry better than he knew himself. They shared a special bond, along with Ron. Of course, so did Luna. She looked at Luna, warningly.

"Don't... Go... There," she said, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, but I MUST."

"So," Ron wondered, "What's wrong with giving Harry what he really wants? I think that'd be great. It's great that Ginny wants to do this."

"RON!" Hermione yelled.

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So, what does Harry want, what's he really, really, want? And, what is a ziggazagga? 


	2. You Can't Always Get What You Want

"So," Ginny asked, "What does Harry love and want besides playing Quiddich and to marry me?"

"Marry?" Luna replied. "Aren't you rushing things, a bit?"

"But, he's GOTTA want to marry me! He never had a real family! A perfect family like ours! We'll be just like mum and dad!"

"We've got a perfect family?" Ron asked. "Where have YOU been?"

Luna smiled and said, "In her own special place, with Quiddich matches, sunlit days, an orchestra playing, she and Harry running to each other in slow motion..."

"Um," Hermione said, "I'm not seeing much connection between all that and settling down and having a lot of kids like your parents, Ginny. How much Quiddich did your mum play when raising you?"

"Well, um..." Ginny stumbled as she tried to match dream with reality.

Ron added, "Just be glad the twins weren't here to hear that. Should I tell 'em?"

"NO!" Ginny yelled, frightened. "OK, I'd like to have some fun, and be loved..."

"By an intense, dark haired, boy that seems a bit distant and out of reach?" Luna asked.

"Yeah! Exactly! What are you snickering about, Hermione?"

Hermione covered her mouth. "Oh, nothing..."

"I just want to give Harry what he wants... what he needs... No one else understands him... Well, I guess you guys do..."

"Well, now that we've got that settled..." Hermione began, seeing the opportunity to get out of this potential mess. If she could change the subject...

"You're trying to change the subject," Ron pointed out. "We haven't settled anything."

Damn, Ron picked NOW, of all times, to show his empathy with her. Great bloody timing... 

"Yeah! C'mon, Luna!" Ginny prodded. "Tell me what it is Harry wants and loves, so I can give it to him!"

"I don't think you can," Luna told her. 

"Try me."

"Very well. You were close to some of it yourself, a while ago, when you mentioned that we understood Harry, too. We love him, and he loves us."

"Yeah, but he doesn't see either of you THAT way."

Ron scoffed. "Oh, come ON. He's a GUY! With raging hormones! Good looking girls that he's intimate with? You're damn right he looks at them that way! We've talked about it!"

Luna continued, "As the song says, you can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you get what you need."

Luna was full of song quotes today, Hermione thought. She now thought she understood why Luna pressed this. Ginny would understand that things would never be ideal, that you could never have everything, or even give someone else everything. But, you could still be happy with someone. She watched Ginny pause, thinking things over, and begin to speak.

"Well, that's EASY!"

Huh?

"We need to commit ourselves to Harry! It'll be great! The three of us will go his room, and wait for him in his bed, naked! It'll be the best present, EVER! Oh, and we'll fool around with each other, too, 'cause guys like that, and..."

"GINNY!" Hermione couldn't believe this. "We... We CAN'T!"

"Don't you love him?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then it's settled!"

OK, Ron decided. He'd heard enough. 

"Ginny, Hermione and I have our own thing, if you didn't notice."

Ginny looked shocked. 

"Ron... How can you be so SELFISH!"

"SELFISH? ME? WHA?"

"After all Harry's done! I thought you were his friend!"

He IS Harry's friend!" Hermione shouted. "He LOVES Harry! Oh, crap..."

Ginny looked at Ron, expectantly.

"I am NOT going to do... THAT with Harry!" Ron said, flabbergasted.

Ginny looked shocked, again.

"You would deny Harry what he loves?"

"Look, he's not INTO guys like that!"

Luna said, in her sing song voice, "He certainly seemed pretty obsessed with Draco, last year. And, vice versa."

"Yeah!" Ginny agreed. "And Cedric... He went on and ON about how good looking Cedric was..."

"And Tom Riddle."

"Oh, yeah..." Ginny breathed. "That's something else we have in common. We need Tom."

"WHAT?!!!" Hermione yelled, again.

"Oh, I don't mean old scaly, bald, no nose, Voldemort. I mean... Tom..." Ginny said, dreamily. "We need to go get him back when he was... Maybe even before he killed anybody that we know of! We can SAVE him! We can show him LOVE!"

"Oh, for crying out... Ginny, we can't do that kind of time travel!"

"Oh..." Ginny said, sadly.

Good, Hermione thought. Now, maybe she could talk some sense into Ginny. Ah, Luna was about to say something. She'd know what to say.

"There's the Room of Requirement", Luna suggested. "It provides us what we need, you know."

Ginny brightened, again. 

"Luna, I LOVE you!" She ran over and kissed Luna. And kept kissing her. Hermione couldn't help but notice there were tongues involved.

Ron asked, "You get the feeling they've done this, before?"

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Will Hermione and Ron be able to prevent Ginny and Luna from further efforts to make Harry happy? What else does Harry want? Will Luna get another song quote in? 


	3. How Soon Is Now?

Notes: Getting into taboo territory, here, but this IS a crackfic, so anything goes (evil laugh). Borrowing a plot device from BellonaBellatrix's ShadowDancing, though this, naturally, goes a bit differently. :)

Finally, Ginny and Luna came up for air.

Ron was, well, less than happy about what he'd just seen.

"How long have you two been doing this?" he bellowed.

Luna replied, serenely, "Do you mean just now, because I didn't check my watch... Or do you mean..."

"Never mind! I don't want to know!"

"Then, why'd you ask?" Ginny wondered.

"I..."

"You're just jealous because I'm a better kisser than you!"

"I am NOT jealous! And, you're not a better kisser!"

"Am, too! You're a terrible kisser!"

Hermione was hesitant to jump into this discussion, but she had to defend her boyfriend.

"Ginny," she said, "You belittled his kissing abilities, last year. How would YOU know he's a terrible kisser?"

"I... Um..."

"Have you ever noticed," Luna said with a curious expression, "how possessive Ron is of her? How he reacts whenever she's snogging somebody?"

"Hey!" Ron protested. "I'm just being... protective!"

"Yeah!" Hermione affirmed. "It's not like that! It's... not, is it?" she asked, looking back and forth to the two siblings.

Hermione found the uncomfortable silence that followed very worrying.

"OK, fine!" Ron yelled. "We'd gotten into a case of firewhiskey, and we were DRUNK! It was just that one time!"

"Yeah!" Ginny confirmed. "Just that one time! And, he was terrible at it!"

"Um..." Hermione said, wondering if she should ask, "It was just a kiss, right?"

"JUST A KISS!" Ron and Ginny yelled, together.

"Maybe it was being drunk that made the kiss bad?" Luna suggested.

"No way!" Ginny retorted. "I still kiss great, drunk. You know that!"

"True..."

"Enough of this!" Ron said. "We'll SEE who's the better kisser. Hermione..."

"Um, I'd really rather not be the tester... Mmmph!" Hermione was unable to finish her protest due to the insertion of Ron's tongue in her mouth.

"Well," Ginny said to Luna, "now we know how to get her to shut up. OK, my turn!"

"Mmmngmm", said Hermione.

"Well?" asked Ginny.

"Um... Your... technique is excellent... But... With Ron..."

"We need an unbiased tester!" Ginny snapped. "Luna!"

Later, Hermione told Luna, "I don't think I was supposed to be part of your taste test."

Luna smiled and told her, "You liked it."

"That's not the point! The point is..."

"The point IS..." Ginny interrupted, "now that we've all snogged each other, we've got to rescue Tom."

Damn. Hermione had hoped Ginny had forgotten about that.

"We need to save him from himself!" Ginny continued.

"He is human and he needs to be loved," Luna added, "just like everybody else does."

"Luna, stop with the damn song lyrics!" Hermione snapped. "We're in a situation, here!"

"He is the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar."

"Luna! This isn't funny! Do you realize what could happen, here? We're going to the Room of Requirement, to..."

"Aren't you the least bit curious to see if it will work?"

"Yes! But... Dammit! You're not thinking of the consequences! If it works... We could all end up in this big... orgy..."

"Well," Luna shrugged, "I didn't have anything better planned for this evening. And here I thought today would be dull..."

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In the Headmistress's office, Harry Potter was brooding.

"Harry, you're brooding," Professor McGonagall observed.

"I just have this feeling..." Harry said, intensely. "Something's happening... HE is coming..."

"You're being paranoid, Harry."

Harry had the distinct feeling that if Luna had been in the room, she'd have said something about that.

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The quartet stood outside the Room of Requirement. Hermione made one last attempt to dissuade her colleagues, Ron being too mentally numb to help.

"Guys... Think about what's going to happen, now..."

"When you say it's going to happen 'now'... Well, what exactly do you mean?"

"Luna, I said stop with the damn... Oh crap..."

Ginny was opening the door.

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Tom Riddle congratulated himself for brilliantly finding yet another secret place at Hogwarts. He had already found the Chamber of Secrets, from which he was about to unleash something terrible, and now this. He had wanted information on that most mysterious of magical secrets, the ziggazagga. And here were books, in this room he'd just stumbled across, that he knew would have what he sought.

Just as he was about to unravel the mystery, the door suddenly swung open. There were... four students he'd never seen before. Strange...

Blazing eyes bore into his, attached to a blazing head with blazing hair, and... Well, she was pretty blazing, all around.

"Tom, we meet again," she said with a predatory smile.

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Oh no! Tom's in danger! Oh wait, he's the bad guy. Can, um, our heroes and heroines be saved from Tom's corrupting influence? Or something? And, three chapters into a Perceval written fic and not a Black sister in sight?

Bella: Keep me out of this.

Me: No. 


End file.
